Death of a Tramp
by Jeff Davis
Here it comes, folks. Sleaze, sleaze, sleaze to delight the jaded palate of the pack of Jerry Springer degenerates that is America today. Oh, this one is going to run and run! It’s got Michael Jackson beat all to hell–a busty blond bimbo with nothing but pork fat between her ears and the morals of an alley cat, not to mention sex, sex and more sex, a doddering old billionaire, a legal custody battle for the soap-opera fans, and a possible hint of murder hanging in the air. There’s glam and glitz and bling-bling and a $475 million fortune in the balance, and a cute baby girl for the schmaltz angle. Oh, yeah! Hoo-ra! When we should be paying attention to what George Bush and his neocon buddies are doing in Iraq and Iran, our bird-brained nation will be glued to the tube and the story of the trashy life and death of Vicky Marshall, aka Anna Nicole Smith.
One news article reports “A newspaper published two photographs on its front page Monday showing Anna Nicole Smith lying in bed fully clothed in a romantic embrace with the Bahamian immigration minister, who approved her application for permanent residency.” The Bahamian immigration minister is, of course, as black as the ace of spades. Anna Nicole Smith was completely devoid of any sense of heritage or shame –a product of our public school system and degenerate culture. She has fooled around with body guards, Hollywood pretty boys and one corpse-like billionaire. “Immigration Minister Shane Gibson has come under criticism from the political opposition for giving the former Playboy Playmate special treatment in granting Smith residency in the Bahamas last year.” (Corruption in a Third World country? A black official exchanging legal favors for sexual favors? I’m shocked, I tell you, shocked!
Anna Nicole Smith was found dead in a Florida motel room last week, from causes which are yet unclear, but the woman was barely chilling out on the medical examiner’s autopsy table and the coroner hadn’t yet made his first cut into her statuesque carcass when the buzzards descended and started rending and tearing one another over her fabulously wealthy estate. One news article notes: “The residency application was based on Smith’s purported ownership of a waterfront mansion. But G. Ben Thompson, a South Carolina developer who once dated Smith, has said he had not given Smith the house as a gift as her lawyers have asserted. Thompson is attempting to reclaim the house. A representative of Anna Nicole Smith’s companion, Howard K. Stern, scrambled on Monday to control dissemination of items he said were stolen from the mansion over the weekend” (allegedly by Thompson) “before he returned from Florida, including images from a computer taken from the house.” (Ghoulish readers might want to check e-bay.)
Oh, but there is more, much more! There is Smith’s five month-old infant daughter Dannie-Lynn, who suddenly found herself one of the world’s richest heiresses before she could say goo-goo-moola, and there’s a line of increasingly odd men queuing up claiming to be the child’s father and demanding custody of the baby and the baby’s $475 million fortune. Vicky was a stripper when she inveigled the senile Marshall into marrying her. Marshall died in 1995, and a long and incredibly acrimonious lawsuit ensued in which Marshall’s son was accused (without proof) of hiring hit men to whack the former stripper. Anna Nicole Smith could be considered the highest paid prostitute in recorded history: the courts awarded her $474 million, then reversed themselves, and then reversed themselves again when the Supreme Court ordered a retrial. The case is still ongoing even though the son of the billionaire passed away last year and now Anna Nicole Smith is dead too. Apparently having a dead plaintiff is not enough to stop some lawyers.
Top of the list in the $474 million Dannielynn paternity stakes is attorney Howard K. Stern, Smith’s long-time lawyer and “companion” who claims to have been married to the busty bimbo, although other reports say the paperwork seems to have been mislaid somewhere along the path of their jet-setting lifestyle. When Anna Nicole almost died in a recent suicide attempt, Stern reportedly blurted out something about himself going to jail if she died. Now why would he say that? Smith’s mother, a Granny Clampett type character straight out of a Texarkana trailer park, according to one article “…told ABC’s Good Morning America that she fears for Dannielynn’s safety, pointing out that Stern has been present when Smith’s 20-year-old son, Daniel Smith, died under mysterious circumstances in a Bahamas hospital room while visiting his mother days after Dannielynn was born.”
According to one news article “Stern over the weekend reclaimed the Bahamas mansion along with 5-month-old Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern. They had lived in the gated waterfront estate, known as Horizons, before Smith died last week. Stern said he is trying to keep Smith’s mother, Vergie Arthur, who traveled from the United States and went to the gates of the mansion on Sunday, from seeing Dannielynn. ‘She just despised that woman,’ Stern told Entertainment Tonight. ‘As long as I have one breath left in my body that woman will not see Dannielynn,’ he added.” Granny Clampett fired back. “‘I do have a problem with her being with Howard Stern,’ Arthur said. ‘I had a daughter and I had a grandson. He was there when both of them died. Now I only have a granddaughter left, and now he has her, and I’m afraid for her.’”
Yeah, if I had a baby granddaughter who was in the custody of a lawyer who had been present at two convenient deaths and who stood between him and $474 million, I’d be worried, too.
Stern is listed on a birth certificate as Dannielynn’s father, and possession is nine tenths of the law. He apparently has the baby stashed in the Bahamas mansion, but according to the latest tabs before I sat down to decompose this article, no one has actually seen the child for some days now and her whereabouts are increasingly uncertain.
Three other men have challenged Stern’s paternity claim. A former boyfriend, Larry Birkhead, has filed a lawsuit claiming he is the father. Anna Nicole’s mom backs his claim. On Friday, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, the husband of actress Zsa Zsa Gabor, announced that he had a decade-long affair with Smith and he may be the father. There is also a late entry in a former personal trainer of Smith’s. Apparently this woman was really doing some wild Christmas parties in December of 2005 when the baby was conceived.
Finally, for the ultimate grotesque twist, AP reports that “The New York Daily News has reported that a manuscript it obtained says Smith froze the sperm of her late 90-year-old husband, Texas oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II, before his death and may have used it to become pregnant.” That sounds like old man Marshall’s bitter and vindictive family trying to get that money back into the family vault.
Of course, the true paternity of the child can be very easily determined by a simple medical test, but for some reason, Stern seems unwilling to allow such a test to take place, which is odd, because if he could establish once and for all that he is the father he could pretty much blow all this other nonsense away in court. But he won’t, and he’s spirited the baby away. Perhaps he’s hoping that Bahaman law (and a few bribed officials) will protect him and his attempt to inherit all of Anna Nicole’s money.
I normally wouldn’t presume to give advice to a black government and black cops, but I will say this: Somebody had better get that baby away from Stern and get her into some kind of safe custody NOW, before we have another convenient death on our hands.